Health updates first and this week is another of mainly self-inflicted pain, but never intentional. The week started with more of the general tiredness and I considered altering the plans for the week, but did not in the end. I jarred the middle of my back during another site visit to the historic site I have been investigating. I misjudged the height of a structure that I had to navigate and when climbing onto it backwards to ease myself over it, soon found out that it was higher than expected and I had to kind of jump up a little. My back certainly did not like that and the pain remained for the rest of the week. It is becoming clearer to me that the physical abilities continue to decline, as hard as it is to mentally realise that. Colin and i had a new show to attend, close to Gatwick airport, at Ardingly. Unexpectedly, the plan was to go down together on Thursday, a day earlier than anticipated. That was a notable worry for Sandra and myself, as I have not been away for that long (4 days, 3 nights), for more than a year. The combined impact on my back and the rest of my body can be felt today, as I am writing this. I will see how long it takes to settle down and I hope it does. Another reminder of the need to adjust my plans and be more aware of the potential physical impact of this disease and its ever increasing control of my body.

The middle of the week brought another unexpected instance, this time concerning Jameson, my grandson. Within Dan’s family, they have suffered a loss of a relative and that had brought many questions from Jameson, as he tries to understand death and all of its connected challenges - before and after the instance. It became clear by mid-week that he had transferred all of what he had learned and been told, to me and my situation. We had a more emotional nightly phone call on Wednesday night which then transpired into a personal visit by him and Alanna. During the phone call he told me that he, “did not want me to die”, to which I replied, “I do not want to die either”. He then went on to ask for a hug, which Alanna initially explained was not possible, due to the fact that it was his bedtime, he was already in his PJs and the time needed would then impact his sleep and the next day at school, etc. Sanda, Alanna and myself struggled to keep our composure during the call. The outcome was the personal visit, where he got his hug, enjoyed by both of us, with some more conversation and explanations around my situation and what we hope is still to come.

I have found throughout my life, when dealing with the death of loved ones, that children have an inbuilt capacity to keep you grounded and state the obvious facts, alongside questions which many of us would prefer not to answer. However, confronting the mechanics of death is a necessity in helping us cope, and this ‘speed bump’ mid-week, was a very good example of how the innocence of a child can bring necessary conversations to the fore, discuss the challenging aspects and try to find a way through, mentally, for all affected.

On non-cancer related activities, they included the completing of the main text aspects for the Fritz Witt book, with the first of the images now being placed into the overall project, ahead of proof reading and eventual printing. Mid-week seen another visit to the historical site nearby, to explore further potential. I began the conversations to explore wider interest within the historical enthusiast community, but so far, that is limited. I will have to adjust the time I spend on this potential, for many reasons, but most notably, I have a long existing list of what I am trying to complete before my time is up; adding something else into the mix, that could have limited outcomes, it not something I can invest much time in. I have decided to help the team there, in the background, but step back from direct involvement. I had great successes 20-years back and created some superb and memorable events, but those days are long gone; another reminder of life-altering impact of this disease.

The preparation for and attendance at the new show, took up the main bulk of the week. Both Colin and I enjoy the shows for the social interaction and in depth discussions that pop up with the public and other traders. A different clientele at this show, so countless ‘new’ conversations took place, which was great. The show itself had many teething issues, especially for Colin and I, due to the nature of what we are selling. Unless the set up of the show adjusts, we will unfortunately not make a return appearance next year, as the risk to the valuable stock, heavily paper based, cannot be taken. New contacts made, further conversations to be had with them and overall, nice to give new things like this a try. Spending time with Colin is always easy and we had many a good laugh over the evening meals at the hotel we stayed at, alongside assessing the show each day.

Your continued support and enthusiasm for this weekly Blog is heart warming and thank you.

Peter