For this first update of a new year, it is typical for everyone to reflect on the year that has closed, what has unfolded and how well, or not, that year has went. The usual follow on is to then plan for the new year and what the aims may be.
Despite what transpired for myself in 2023, I too have done exactly that in the closing weeks. However, our ‘reflection’ took place, in great depth, almost one year ago and everything has flowed from that. What did we consider would still be possible, how we adjusted for the impact of the treatment and how we tried to navigate the post-treatment landscape. My goal for 2024 is a simple one, which is to get to the end of it, still breathing and with some ability to still do the things I like to do.
As a way of summarising 2023, I constructed a short poem, with an aim of covering the changes, physical and mental, which all flowed from the diagnosis / prognosis. That poem is below and I hope you find it a reasonable read.
The first week of 2024 has brought some nice aspects, but I will feed them into next week’s update.
For now, thanks for the ongoing support and interest.
Peter
Year One
I am at the end of a year, one that changed everything for myself, my family and my wife
At the start of this year, I was informed that there was a time limit on the remainder of my life
The confirmation that I had terminal cancer was one of the most challenging things to hear
News that made me realise that every aspect would change for me and those that I hold dear
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The immediate horror of that news was quickly met with a sense of fear and dread
How do you process the fact that you have been told roughly when you will be dead
The initial anger, the hunt for why and when it all began, quickly came to the fore
However, my practical approach kicked in to what’s next, a mind set that is part of my core
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A quick succession of plans unfolded, to ensure those left behind would be kind of okay
Alongside that, research to determine what options lay ahead and how the game may be played
We geared ourselves up for treatment, but hindsight showed that naivety was there at the start
Year One produced a result that challenged my mind and body, tearing both of them apart
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A physical assault on muscles, stamina, body shape, appearance, which added the loss of hair
Outwardly visual confirmations of the disease and chemo treatment which was constantly there
A mental and frequent assault on my thought processes making it difficult to remain sane
Inwardly challenging reminders that my normal life, however long, would no longer be the same
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The combined impact upon myself challenged every ability I possess
To watch the impact on my close family had resulted in deep distress
A focus on surviving and being positive throughout were key weapons that we used
Necessities to get through the treatment and positive results, parts of the game that I choose
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How to navigate and get through a year such as that, is partly possible due to family and friends
The people who I count in both groups is small, but their essential support never ends
You all know who you are and do not underestimate your impact, your reach comes global-wide
It helped me get through 2023, knowing you are (actually or virtually) by my side
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As Year One drew to a close, a series of changes and decisions began to take shape
Unexpected positive developments from this dreadful disease, one that is hard to escape
What’s next, how much time is left for me, that is impossible to say for sure
Whatever unfolds, I aim to make the most of it, I am planning to endure
