Last week was a fairly normal one, with mostly ‘more of the same’ activities. Working through the various pain levels continues alongside the impact of that. Definitely more tired this week and was glad when the weekend came. Whether that was partly related to the notable change in the weather this week, is impossible to determine, but may be a factor to some degree.

My regular blood test / ‘renewal’ of my hormone tablets took place this week. They have moved from 3-weekly to 4-weekly, which is an indicator of how much my various levels have settled down. At the end of the week I had my 3-monthly hormone injection, the one that specifically targets my testosterone and suppresses it. That same evening resulted in an early trip to bed, due to feeling very out of sorts, physically. As these have moved to 3-monthly, hard to recall if that was as a direct result of the injection. Impact-wise, this week was a bit more of a challenge of late.

On the flip side, my son Karl reached his 32nd birthday and he popped in to see me early on the morning of his birthday. It was great to see him on that day, as he had plans for the evening, meaning I would not have seen him until the weekend. We also got together again around lunchtime, as he helped with a task I had to take care of that day. Overall, getting to spend this time with him was nice. It is milestones like this that mean so much more and take on a far, far greater degree of importance, than before the diagnosis was made. As I move towards the end of the year, I have had the pleasure of seeing all of my close family celebrate another birthday with me, which matters. The first milestone was our anniversary, wayyyy back at the end of February, with Karl’s birthday almost rounding the year off; Christmas being the last one - although not a ‘personal’ milestone.

This week seen some emotional ‘wobbles’, starting with Sandra mid-week. We plough through each week, conducting as many normal aspects as possible and whilst doing that, it can be ‘easy’ to forget what is going on. However, every now and again, something will come up that stops you, reminds you what is going on and the final eventuality of what we are dealing with. That is what took place for Sandra and it is hard to watch and also for both of us to work through; very emotional.

Within 24-hours, I had a call from my grandson, who was in a similar situation. He had come out of school very quiet and after some probing by my daughter, he informed her that he was sad and wanted more time with me. We do have a nightly, quick, phone call with both him and his sister - something that started during lock-down and has remained in place. The call that night was notably earlier than normal, so I guessed something was not right. I talked through aspects of my situation with him and also reminded him that many people can lose their grandparents instantly, without the chance to say goodbye, or have prior knowledge of the fact that they may be ill. We carried on talking through that we would continue to aim to make the most of our remaining time and create lots of memories. That chat appeared to help him and my daughter did contact us later that night to confirm that he had smiled for the first time that day and said that he felt better.

The third related instance of ‘emotional reminders’ was the second visit by Karl, as we finished off the lunchtime task and were just talking in general. Since the outset, he has really struggled with this situation and for a time, could not bring himself to come to the house and see my decline. That worsened as my situation worked through the chemo sessions and hospital admission, which increased his anxiety around this situation. Whilst we do not physically see each other as much as I would like, we do chat during the week and I will often get random phone calls during the day, as he is doing his job and things come to mind for him. Some of those call are to discuss vintage cars or scooters, others are to discuss key things and where he is seeking advice. We had one of those phone calls earlier in the week and we ended the call, he had the realisation that the ability to have those calls will come to an end; he is finding that hard to deal with and we shared my third emotional remainder on his birthday.

Both of us did, however, manage to visit a local exhibition of 2-Tone related artwork. The 2-Tone genre was at an advanced stage, as I began my journey into youth cultures. I was heavily into record collecting back then and at once stage, has almost all of the complete 2-Tone catalogue of releases, including some the rarities, which now fetch an interesting price. That genre also remains intertwined with the scooter culture and something which Karl became part of. The artist who designed many of the iconic imagery lives nearby and he put on the exhibition as part of the annual Skabour festival in Folkestone. That was a nice way to end off his ‘birthday week’ and another thing we got to do together.

Whilst I was able to enjoy that exhibition with him (nearby to us and did not take too long walking around it), the increasing physical impact of the cancer, especially on my lower back, has forced me to not attend another exhibition. That is a Disney 100th anniversary event taking place in London, booked for Sunday, with Sandra and I due to attend that with Alanna and her two kids. Following the assessment of our Winchester trip, I had to make the decision not to go. Both Sandra and I agreed that it would be too much, combining the journey there and back, plus the walking around of the exhibits, alongside wanting to stay engaged with the energetic kids. Another sad reminder of having to make choices around the varying impacts of the disease.

One aspect that I continue to focus on, whilst I still can, is my historical research, connected to the various books I write. That counts as my ‘relaxation’ and something that is very interesting, as I trawl through various source materials to construct each book project. I have two titles that are being focused on currently, with one of those nearing completion, the other is a way off and is priority 4 on my remaining book titles list (of 4). However, I have key friends and contacts who have been helping me with essential research, particularly with material held in the archives of various countries. Whilst focusing on the priority 1 book, there are aspects that cannot be done during the day, as the material is at home. Therefore, during lunchtimes, I can sometimes focus on other projects and the past couple of weeks have seen key movement on the priority 4 title. This week seen the ‘extremes’ of that P4 project. In the early part of the week, we (one of my key research contacts and I) had reached the conclusion that the project may not see conclusion, as we could not unearth essential elements needed. However, a rapid rethink and reassessment of the existing material revived the potential project. That was topped off at the end of the week with the finding of additional material that has reinvigorated the whole project, a concept that has been in existence / being worked on for the past 20 years, on and off.

Why share this with you? Firstly, a lot of my circle of contacts are people who share my passion for history and support my various projects, alongside engaging in countless history related conversations and research activities. Secondly, during weeks such as the one that has just ended, where various physical and emotional challenges present themselves, having other things to focus on, help greatly. Psychologically, boosts, such as the ability to further a personal project, are an essential part of this overall battle currently being undertaken. I appreciate that the history projects may not resonate with all of you who take the time to read these weekly updates, but hopefully you can appreciate the significance of them as providing another ‘weapon’ in the armoury to fight this fight.

Thanks for each and every one of you who continue to read these updates and engage with me on various levels. Your interest and input is another key weapon and is very helpful; your support is appreciated.