This week finally seen the chemo underway again, after the recent postponements. May not sound like something to ‘look forward to’, but having this resume, moves me closer to the end of a key stage of the planned containment treatment, so it is good to see it underway again.

The session itself was delayed, as they were short staffed, which made for a much longer afternoon. It was also a reminder (6-weeks since my last chemo session) of how uncomfortable it is to sit there whilst this is done, but the combined impact of the various flush / anti-sickness / chemo cocktail that is injected.

With the re-intro of the tablet treatment too, the impact is once again notable, with my ‘gyroscope’ definitely being out of sync. A bizarre feeling to have again, but part of what is going on and hopefully all part of the wider plan to keep me around a while longer. As of Sunday evening, 48-hours after the treatment resumed, the impact on the appetite is well and truly back in place, especially the previously highlighted ‘cardboard’ aspect.

Whilst having the treatment administered, I obtained an update on the Liver blood marker, which has dropped to 77. That is still slightly higher that what is considered normal, but low enough for them to have resumed the chemo. Bearing in mind that it was 677 three weeks ago, a nice turnaround. They also confirmed that no other functions are showing any anomalies, which is good to see. Hopefully back on track and can put the frustrations of the past weeks behind me.

The second ‘milestone’, besides now being into the second half of the planned 6 chemo sessions, was the realisation that last week’s update was at the Week 20 stage, or 10% of the 4-year lower end prognosis being reached; doesn’t time fly! In the time since being made aware of this, I have encountered 3 contacts, two of whom has already unfortunately died due to their rapid cancer diseases, with a 3rd on a very short prognosis. That helps keep my situation in perspective somewhat.

Besides the above, a quieter week all around, with some degree of normality being experienced, mostly due to the lack of the meds impacting my body. That allows me to add in something that I have wanted to add, as a general thought process for all of you reading this, irrespective of your current medical, or other, situations. That is, do you consider it better to know when your time may be up, or do you prefer to walk through life oblivious?

I will have to say that, prior to receiving this diagnosis and prognosis, I would have been in the ‘oblivious’ camp, bimbling through my daily life with a mindset of, ‘I have loads of time left and lots still to do’. Now having a very rough timeline attached to what may be left of my time on this mortal coil, my mindset has certainly shifted! This disease has not consideration for what I had planned, but the battle is on and I am hopefully not done just yet.

The end result for me is the same, I will end my days and will not be aware that I have actually died. What this ‘timeframe’ does however, is to give me some time to get things in order and focus more on what is important with my remaining time. My priorities have shifted and so have those of the people closest to me. We certainly take more time in enjoying the smaller, but important, things. Relishing each happy moment, even if some of them are brief (impacted by the side effects).

The more important aspect, it not for me, but for those that will be left behind. Sandra, Alanna, Karl and their families, alongside my sister Susan, who I have a very close bond with. I am sad for that and often wonder how they will cope with life when I am no longer with them. Lots of celebrations, less hassle for them, who knows! Seriously though, a tough time ahead for them, but a reality of the mortal lives we all lead. Having this time together is allowing us to talk, re-align and enjoy what we can.

Now, the thought process above is only from my perspective, the person who is suffering the disease that will take my life eventually. There is a second, and very key consideration, the views of the people closest to me and whether they think it is better to know, or be oblivious. I will add that in a subsequent update.

For now, give some thought to whether you think it is better to know, or be oblivious. Do you have a good view on what is really important and what matters? We are all having different journeys and what we focus our efforts, time and money on, will vary widely. We’re going to end up with the same ending and everything we currently hold dear will come to an end, at a time not of our choosing.

That final thought is not meant to depress any of your readers, but to help focus your mind on what you are doing and what you could be doing differently, if you are of that mindset.

For now, time to sign off. Thanks as always for the ongoing interest, support and comments, really appreciated.

Regards
Peter